eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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