Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
