You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize