I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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