the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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