he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
