Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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