if i can run in heels then i can drive
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I see more hoeing in ur future
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