Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
