Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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