We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Boobs speak an international language.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
