so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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