..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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