Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
