all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
