like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
