Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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