I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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