Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
