My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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