im drinking this country out of the recession.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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