My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
