As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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