yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
