Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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