so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize