arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I did not marry a roomba.
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