even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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