i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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