So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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