I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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