i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize