And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
