And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
