If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
