my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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