My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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