I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
