She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
