what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
