I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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