I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
