the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
