i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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