where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Is Oprah even human
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
