This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
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