okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Are my feet made of real feet?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
