She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
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