Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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