The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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