how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
