Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
