he puts the penis in happiness.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
