butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
