Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
