I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
