singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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