the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
