Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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