I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
