sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
