I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize