we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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