youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Randomize
