literally had 100 drinks last night.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
