Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
