Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
