is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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