You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
