remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
