Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
