In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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