dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize