Heybabeimwearingurpanties
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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