Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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