I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
