the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
