Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
