The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
