How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I deserve to be covered in dicks
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
