honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
