I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize