My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Randomize