Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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