I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
