my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
