look no pants
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
