cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
