yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
you would pick up someone in the library
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
