Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
