you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
