I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
