I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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