They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
All I want is dick and wine.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
