Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
