So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
