how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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