god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
