Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
