sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
