Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
