So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
