butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
