I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
